~necroscream

I posted this over at seibs...but I'm posting it here anyways...

I've been trying to write this for a few hours, I'm sorry if my thoughts aren't really conveyed properly. As you can tell my mind is pretty jumbled up right now.

My whole life I have had the same dreams.
Rockstar, Pro Wrestler, Be a dad, and get married.

Two are realistic and two are highly unrealistic.

Lately I haven't been able to decide which two are the realistic ones, or if all four are just highly unrealistic.

Today, when I heard about Chris Benoit's untimely passing, something inside me snapped and I got a jolt of confidence I've never felt before.

I don't know why it's there, but it's there, like I can actually accomplish things in life.

I know it's going to sound stupid, but lately I've felt like Nemo from Finding Nemo.

Everyone tells me I can't do anything, but in my mind I believe I can, even if I really can't.

Maybe I should explain why I want each individual dream to clarify things.

Rockstar--> Music has been one of the few constants in my constantly changing and destructive life, whether it be self destructive or outside forces. Music has always been there for me to help cope with life. I want to be able to express my self and help people the way bands like Slipknot, Alice In Chains, and Korn have helped me.

Pro Wrestler--> Wrestling has been another constant in my life. I grew up watching Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Sting, The Giant(Big Show), Chris Jericho etc etc. The "characters" were extremely relatable to me. Especially Sting, who at one point the world turned on him because of a misunderstanding/lie. That has happened to me numerous times.

Father--> Family is important to me, even if I hate my family. I want to be what I never had growing up. A real parent.

Husband--> Same as above^^, plus I want to be able to know that one person loves me more then the rest of the world, no matter what happens in life they are there for me. I have yet to find a person like that.

I guess the advice I am seeking is, should I let go of my "silly" dreams, or continue to pursue them and face more hardship with the hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel that seems to be caving in?