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A little help please

Journal Entry: Tue Jun 26, 2007, 12:35 AM
  • Mood: Wow!
  • Listening to: God is Lie by Wednesday 13
  • Drinking: Iced Tea
I posted this over at seibs...but I'm posting it here anyways...

I've been trying to write this for a few hours, I'm sorry if my thoughts aren't really conveyed properly. As you can tell my mind is pretty jumbled up right now.

My whole life I have had the same dreams.
Rockstar, Pro Wrestler, Be a dad, and get married.

Two are realistic and two are highly unrealistic.

Lately I haven't been able to decide which two are the realistic ones, or if all four are just highly unrealistic.

Today, when I heard about Chris Benoit's untimely passing, something inside me snapped and I got a jolt of confidence I've never felt before.

I don't know why it's there, but it's there, like I can actually accomplish things in life.

I know it's going to sound stupid, but lately I've felt like Nemo from Finding Nemo.

Everyone tells me I can't do anything, but in my mind I believe I can, even if I really can't.

Maybe I should explain why I want each individual dream to clarify things.

Rockstar--> Music has been one of the few constants in my constantly changing and destructive life, whether it be self destructive or outside forces. Music has always been there for me to help cope with life. I want to be able to express my self and help people the way bands like Slipknot, Alice In Chains, and Korn have helped me.

Pro Wrestler--> Wrestling has been another constant in my life. I grew up watching Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit, Sting, The Giant(Big Show), Chris Jericho etc etc. The "characters" were extremely relatable to me. Especially Sting, who at one point the world turned on him because of a misunderstanding/lie. That has happened to me numerous times.

Father--> Family is important to me, even if I hate my family. I want to be what I never had growing up. A real parent.

Husband--> Same as above^^, plus I want to be able to know that one person loves me more then the rest of the world, no matter what happens in life they are there for me. I have yet to find a person like that.

I guess the advice I am seeking is, should I let go of my "silly" dreams, or continue to pursue them and face more hardship with the hope that there is a light at the end of the tunnel that seems to be caving in?

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 20
  • Current Residence: Kent, Ohio
  • Interests: music, horror, vampires, gothic romance, writing, comics, slasher movies, action movies
  • Favourite movie: Fight Club, The Crow, Interview With The Vampire, Transformers
  • Favourite band or musician: Alice In Chains, Slipknot, Mushroomhead, Wednesday 13
  • Favourite genre of music: Metal/Industrial/Horror Glam
  • Favourite artist: Salvador Larroca or Jack Merrin
  • Favourite poet or writer: Shakespeare, Poe, and Anne Rice
  • Wallpaper of choice: My band's wallpaper
  • Favourite game: Shadowrun for SEGA Genesis
  • Favourite gaming platform: XBOX
  • Favourite cartoon character: Starscream, Cobra Commander, Invader Zim/Gir, or Vegeta
  • Personal Quote: Trying to make a dream a reality,
  • Tools of the Trade: photoshop for photo edits and coloring, pen and paper/microsoft word for lyrics/poems

deviantART Notice

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Devious Comments

~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Jan 24, 2008, 6:46:48 AM
[link]

I think that works lol

Click that and it will take you to a picture of it.

It's my friends bands logo =)

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Jan 23, 2008, 5:07:15 AM
ahh cool, what of?

and ahhh i wna see him again T_T
so bad. grrrr. seen him 3 times so far and was amazing everytime =D

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~Dead-Metal:iconDead-Metal: Jan 12, 2008, 10:23:46 AM
Hah, I am the origin of all life and I bring ... tag!

--
Don't due drugs, beer's much cheaper!
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Jan 6, 2008, 10:16:27 PM
Got my first tattoo on New Years Eve.

I was pretty excited about that.

And now I can't wait until February 28th so I can go see Wednesday 13 again!!

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Jan 5, 2008, 8:36:21 AM
i havn't been on that much either =P
ahh things are pretty average to be honest.
got a shit load of coursework to do before tuesday but i really can't be asked cuz i feel so ill.
how about u?

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Jan 3, 2008, 12:55:17 PM
Sheesh, I didn't realize I hadn't signed on in this long lol

How are things?

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 28, 2007, 12:09:42 PM
funnnnn xD
and goodo
and no i know *pukes*
and the town i live seems to be full of them wtf. lol

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 20, 2007, 1:12:17 PM
Me and my brother are taking turns on Dragon Ball Z Tenkaichi 3.

So i'M ok now haha

perverts are never cool

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 18, 2007, 2:02:38 PM
fair enough and ahh i don't blame you T_T
i fucking hate my job.
it's not even that bad, just the person who is vaguely in charge of me is a total perverted cunt who is a complete pig. basically. >_<
so yeah. i'm quitting (Y)

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 18, 2007, 1:00:51 PM
I'm watching Office Space =)

I want to quit my job sooon lol

Its driving me crazy

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 18, 2007, 12:34:28 PM
danggg.
well cuz of school and work im online at stupid hours when every1s out or eating dinner >_<
but now looks like im out of a job (quitting tomorrow (H) haha)
sooo all is good apart from a lack of money xD

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 18, 2007, 7:06:38 AM
Its okie

I hardly get online anymore =(

Work sucks =(

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 18, 2007, 3:50:13 AM
ahh good good xD
i don't blame you.
sorry havent replied for ages XD
pc diedddddd

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 15, 2007, 2:22:55 AM
Its ok, I don't associate with her anymore lol

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 9, 2007, 6:44:11 AM
ohhh it's that bad huh :S
sorry.
i hate it when people are like that

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 7, 2007, 8:58:29 AM
i think unlucky is an understatement lol

she tried claiming she was carrying my kid

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 5, 2007, 11:35:14 AM
neh, mines my best mate so it's okay.

unluckyyyyy though :\

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 4, 2007, 2:22:22 PM
ex's suck!!

mine is trying to fuck me over big time

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 4, 2007, 11:49:14 AM
same, but strangely i'm not too bad at it XD
never would have the effort to clean my own room tho XD
have the effort to tidy my ex boyfriends room funny enuff. it jus annoys me XD

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 4, 2007, 11:03:40 AM
hahaha

I could never clean up after other people...I can hardly clean up after myself lol

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 4, 2007, 10:33:07 AM
cleaner. at a primary school.
its the best obviously X| lol

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 3, 2007, 3:41:45 PM
what kinda job do you have? lol

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 3, 2007, 11:16:27 AM
haha yeh buying for only like 2 ppl tho, kinda makes me life easier XD
and ahh fair enuff, can't wait to quit my job ¬_¬ ahahaa.
and oh right? goodoooo lol

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~
~necroscream:iconnecroscream: Dec 3, 2007, 8:49:23 AM
I haven't done xmas shopping yet lol

but I got a new job so thats cool I suppose...right now I'm watching a funny movie called Dead Man on Campus haha

--
I am known by many names...
Jay Sin
Venomous Prime
Kobra
Veep
Koby
necroscream
~mistress-pandora:iconmistress-pandora: Dec 2, 2007, 2:38:39 PM
haha fair enuff XD
murrr i'm okay thanks, kinda tired but i've done my xmas shopping (for all of 2 ppl) so all is well i guess XD
urself?

--
~*everyone in highschool will worship the fucking ground i walk on!*~